Chapter 8 - Mirrors, Take Two

Alex

Alex tried not looking at the mirror - she didn’t want to see the new pimple she felt on her chin when she woke up. But she couldn’t prevent the reflex when brushing her teeth. Oh. Not a bad oh, not a good oh, but just...oh. The pimple was there, but that wasn’t what her eyes immediately focused on when she looked at her reflection. Instead, she focused on what she loved on her face - her mother’s face, her father’s smile, and that little glitter that refused to come off from the mathlete win last night and the after party she went to for Dear Edwina. Her pimple was there, but it wasn’t nearly as important as everything else. And when she focused on that, the pimple faded away. She finished brushing her teeth, and walked out of the bathroom, smiling. 

Chapter 7 - Showtime

Alex

“That answer is...correct! And with that, Summerview Middle advances to the state stage!”

Alex whipped her head to ther other mathlete partners; Natalie, Adesh, and Jack. She couldn’t believe that they placed high enough to advance. The team was a bit shaky, largely in part of Alex being a new member. But they got second place in the tournament, meaning they were going to face down even more schools in the coming weeks. Part of that scared her. Was she going to be the weakest link again?

But then the team all huddled around each other in victory, and Alex never felt more excited. Adesh, Jack, and Natalie didn’t care what she looked like at all, just her smarts. And she had that in spades.

Alex glanced at the clock - it was 8pm. If she convince her mom to drive her straight to Summerview Middle, she could catch the last couple numbers of Dear Edwina. The show was fantastic, and Alex loved playing Edwina. But she realized that Bethany loved it so much more. While Alex was always aware of herself even when she was performing, always in her head, bethany seemed released from all her insecurities when she sung. It was like Bethany became a different version of herself, one full of confidence.

The only time that all those thoughts about her acne or her friends faded away was when she was solving a math problem. Alex realized that she wasn’t the type of person that needed the attention on her all the time. Being friends with Maddie made her think she needed all eyes on her to feel important and worthwhile. But she was beginning to realize that wasn’t the case. She needed to feel good about herself first. Being in mathletes made Alex feel that way, even if the cool kids she was friends with just a couple months ago thought it was lame. Alex knew better.

After celebrating with her teammates, Alex  ran over to her mother, who swept her in a hug.

“I had no idea that you were so smart! When did you become so intelligent? I’m so proud of you!”

It was exactly what Alex needed to hear. Alex could have made a jab at her mom, saying she got smart while her mom wasn’t paying attention, but Alex just didn’t feel like it. What good would that do? It would just make her feel bad, and she didn’t want to dull this moment.

Instead, Alex relished in making her mom proud. Her mom worked so hard, and it was great to finally get her undivided attention. She didn’t need to have the coolest friends, the best clothes, or be the center of the stage. She just needed to be herself, and her mom was proud.

Alex asked her mom if they could stop by the auditorium at the middle school, and her mom said yes, with no questions. 

Chapter 6 - Cast Party

Alex

    It was the night before the opening night of Dear Edwina, and Alex was sitting in the auditorium, freaking out. But it’s not like anyone noticed. Streamers were up, confeffit had been thrown, and a party playlist was playing overheard through the auditorium speakers. The cast party had started 30 minutes ago, but all Alex felt was nervous.

    She looked around for Taysha and Bethany, hoping they could calm her nerves. She knew at the very least that she could trust them, tell them about how the idea of everyone looking at her face for 2 hours made the blood train from her face, and they would listen with open ears. But as Alex took another pass of the room, she didn’t see either of them. She guessed their parents were dropping them off soon, but Alex just wished they were here right now.

    Alex guessed she should do something though, so no one tried to approach her while she was like this. She knew she would snap at someone if they tried to amp her up for tomorrow night. Alex headed to the snacks area, where she picked up some carrots along with her doritos, trying to balance it out.

    As she went back to her seat, Ms. Cortez approached her. After the girls’ bonding night, Ms. Cortez didn’t bother them anymore, giving a more off-hands approach throughout all of rehearsals. So Ms. Cortez wasn’t an unwelcome sight anymore, but she wouldn’t say she was close with the teacher either. But it turned out that Ms. Cortez was the perfect person to talk to.

    “Nervous, huh? Well, I am too.” Ms. Cortez glanced at Alex, who didn’t respond, just nodded as she chewed on her carrots.

    “Think about it this way though: all the people in the audience won’t know if you mess up, or if the lighting is off, or if the someone in the band misses their cue. They’ve never seen the musical before, so they’re not going to be nit-picky. Not like me during rehearsals, or you on yourself. You’re your own worst critic. I’ve been there, believe me. But you’ll feel so accomplished standing up there on the stage, knowing that you made this happen. You go this.” Sensing that Alex needed time to process all the information Ms. Cortez just threw at her, Ms. Cortez simply laid a reassuring hand on Alex’s shoulder and then went up to some arriving parents, dropping their kids off.

    Alex turned to where Ms. Cortez walked off, and saw Bethany with her dad. She wasn’t gonna lie, Bethany’s dad intimidated her. He was so tall and burly! But then she saw Bethany’s dad pat his daughter on the head, messing up her hair, and laughing at something Ms. Cortez said, and the facade faded away. Alex’s eyes met with Bethany’s, and they both rolled their eyes at the imposing figure who defied everyone’s expectations. Bethany called him a gentle giant, and she now saw why.

    As Bethany approached her, she thought about what Ms. Cortez said, and figured she was probably right. It’s not like she could drop out of the musical the night before, and she knew she would be disappointed in herself if she did that. But looking at Bethany, she wondered if she couldn’t also give that sense of accomplishment to Bethany. Alex knew Bethany had put in so much work into Edwina, and she didn’t want that hard work to go unnoticed. Alex noticed Mr. Roberts talking to some of the other teachers who came to the auditorium for some free food and decided to talk to him before he left. 

Chapter 5 - Halls

Alex

Alex was putting her music in her bag as she was headed to drama class. She was excited to see Bethany and Alex for rehearsals today. She hadn’t seen them since Sunday morning, when her mom picked her up from Taysha’s house.  Alex felt a tap on her shoulder, and she turned around, expecting to see Bethany or Taysha, but was surprised to see Maddie behind her, one hand on her hip. Maddie always even managed to look perfect - her hair straight and shiny, “AERIE” emblazoned on her shirt, flaunting her “in” status. Has Alex ever seen Maddie without a hair out of place? It was unnerving to see her so perfect, all the time.

“Hey girl! I haven’t talked to you in so long, I’ve just been super busy with class and all of that! But, like, I hope you don’t mind, but I have a favor to ask of you.”

Alex was more shocked than anything else. Maddie ghosted her since that first day she showed up to school with no makeup on, pimples showing. Why was she talking to her now?

“Um, well..what’s the favor?”

Maddie gave Alex her signature smile, the one Alex knew, from being friends with her all last year, was fake.

“Okay, the thing is, I’d like you to take those pictures down of us on your locker. It’s just...we haven’t hung out in a while and you know the how it goes, only super close friends get to have pictures of each other on their lockers. You get it, right? Okay, well cool! See ya!”

Maddie bounced away before Alex could even get a wave in, muttering “bye” to Maddie’s back. Alex was shocked; those pictures were from right before school started, when Alex thought her and Maddie were going to be best friends forever. She toyed with her necklace, and then realized it was the one they got together that day; two halves a heart, one saying “Best” and the other “Friend.” Alex looked at the necklace and hastily took it off. She thought this weird tiff between her and Maddie was going to blow over, but she was obviously wrong. Alex tore off the pictures of her and Maddie together and shoved them into her backpack, right as she heard the one minute warning bell go off in the halls.

Great, not only did her best friend just break up with her, but now she was going to be late for class too! Alex shook her head, trying to stave off the tears, and hoped she wasn’t going to get in trouble by being late to class. A small part of Alex was grateful that Maddie just came out and said they weren’t friends anymore. All these weeks of hoping and waiting were exhausting, and also made her realize that other girls like Taysha and Bethany didn’t like Maddie because she was mean. That they didn’t like her just last year and the beginning of this year because she was mean. Alex was hurt, but Maddie’s behavior showed Maddie’s true colors, and Alex didn’t really want to a friend that rude.

Chapter 4 - Move Night

Alex

    This was going to be hell. Alex didn’t want to go to Taysha’s house. She barely knew the girl! The thought of sitting at Taysha’s house with her and Bethany sounded more like torture, not a fun night. Who came up with this plan? She wouldn’t be surprised if it was Taysha’s idea the whole entire time; that girl was always trying to fix things - whether it be her job as play manager or getting in between her and Bethany in the beginning of the week.

    Alex’s mom rolled up to Taysha’s house, which looked like something out of a movie. Who had time to trim the bushes and plant all those flowers? And was that a white picket fence. Alex’s nose scrunched in scorn. No wonder Taysha had such a perfection complex.

Taysha

    Taysha was furious at her parents. She thought she could trust them, how could they go behind her back and invite these girls to her house? Alex and Bethany weren't her friends, and they sure as heck weren’t friends with each other! This was going to be a disaster of epic proportions.

    Taysha ran up to her room, trying to find an outfit for the night. What would she wear to spend hours with people she didn’t like? She wanted to look casual and relaxed, but when she put her sweatpants on, she looked shapeless. She remembered the boys on the bus. Did she really look like a boy wearing this? Taysha was sure that Alex or Bethany would look better in the sweatpants and oversized shirt.

    Taysha was standing in her room just wearing her underwear staring at the explosion of clothes around her room when she heard her mom call up, “Tay!! Alex is here! Come on down!”

    Oh, God. Here we go.

    Taysha threw on her first outfit, sweatpants, oversized shirt, and headband and went down. If Alex thought she looked like a boy, whatever. It’s not like they would be hanging out after tonight. They would all just go back to their usual cold shoulders and call it a night.

    Taysha ran down the stairs, stopping at the kitchen counter that faced the hallway.

    “Um..Hi Alex!”

    Alex was wearing a floral shirt and grey skinny jeans. She didn’t look too dressed up, but also looked nice. Why hadn’t Taysha thought of that? The only silver lining was that Alex looked just as uncomfortable as Taysha. Alex just mumbled, “Hi” and gave her one of those tight-lipped smiles that was obviously fake.

    The room was silent for a bit, and then Taysha’s mom went, “Okay! Well, we’ll be sure to give Alex a warm welcome with all the nutritious foods- popcorn, ice cream, and candy! Nice to meet you Celia!”

    Taysha’s mom walked Alex’s to the front door. Alex went after her mom, and Taysha was pretty sure she heard Alex saying something along the lines of “Please just take me home” before Alex’s mom went to her car.

    Taysha, her mother, and Alex were all awkwardly sitting in front of the kitchen as the doorbell rang.

    I guess that’s Bethany, Alex thought. Let the games begin.

    Taysha went and answered the door, seeing Bethany a huge burly man in the doorway.

    “Hi Bethany, come on in.” Taysha reluctantly held open the door, knowing that there was no way the three girls were going to get out of this.

    Bethany walked in, her father following her into the hallway, just as her dad entered from the kitchen announcing, “Just finished popping the popcorn, dig in girls!”

    And with that, Taysha and the other girls were herded into the living room, popcorn surrounding them and Netflix cued up.

Bethany turned to her father, looking both scared and angry at the same time. Whatever she said to her father didn’t work though, because Taysha caught him leaving out of the corner of her eye as she scrolled through Netflix.

Awkward silence settled in, none of the girls making suggestions or comments about what was on Netflix. They all startled when Taysha’s parents entered the living room, her father exclaiming, “Woot woot! Girls night!” as her mom said they were going to go upstairs and watch some Netflix of their own. Taysha just hoped they weren’t Netflix and chilling. The thought made her internally shudder.

Taysha responded, “Dad, no one says ‘woot woot’ anymore, if they even did in the first place.”

Taysha’s dad just laughed it off, and then both her parents went upstairs.

And then the girls were left alone. And they were silent.

Chapter 3 - Rehearsals

Alex

Alex was basically jumping off the walls since the minute she woke up. It had been a couple days since the auditions for the musical, and today the call sheet went up. She didn’t want to be too hopeful, but she had killed that audition. Plus, she needed something good in her life. After all the skin treatments she’d done - Biore strips and Clearasil and charcoal masks - nothing was working. Her skin was still the same, splotchy and red. Maddie, Alicia, and Penny were still ignoring her, too. They stopped antagonizing her, and rather just ignored her whenever she tried to talk or sit with them. Alicia and Penny looked uncomfortable, but they did nothing about it. Alex was hurt, but not surprised. She would’ve done the same thing just a couple weeks ago, desperate to stay in Maddie’s good graces.

    But today was going to be a good day; she could feel it. Alex woke up before her alarm, full of energy. Those under eye circles sure wouldn’t be there, that’s for sure. Alex bounded out of bed, ready to take on the day.

    “Goood morning Mom!” she called out as she entered the kitchen, ready for her eggs and toast.

    Her mom looked up from her work. She was still typing on her laptop as she said, “Well aren’t you bright and bushy tailed today! What’s the occasion?”

    Alex hadn’t told her mom about the audition, not wanting to give her any bad news if she didn’t get a part. Instead, Alex said, “Oh, nothing! Just in a good mood.” Alex would tell her about the musical if there was anything to tell, no use in telling her mom just to disappoint her.

    Alex finished getting ready for school, and bounded up on the school bus. She went right past the tables where Maddie and her old friends were sitting and right up to the call sheet pinned by the auditorium doors, eager to see what part she got.

Chapter 2 - Audition

Two weeks later

 

Alex

    Alex was humming on her way to her bus stop, going over the song that she was going to audition with for the fall musical. After the first day of school, Maddie, Alicia, and Penny continued to ignore her. Like in math class when she tried to sit with them, they just continued on their conversation without even acknowledging her. It stung, but it’s not like they wouldn’t be friends again. Right?

    Alex waited at the bus stop, nodding her head to the music she was quietly rehearsing. Now that she wasn’t hanging with Maddie and the others so much, she finally decided to audition for the musical. She wanted to do it last year, but the other girls told her it was lame, and she didn’t want to be a loser. But considering that they weren’t talking to her, what did she have to lose?

----

As the final bell rung, Alex headed to the auditorium rather than the school buses. Her hands were sweating, and she couldn’t focus last period because the audition was the only thing on her mind. As she passed the bathroom, Alex turned around, thinking that she could shake out the nerves. When she walked in, planning on doing the “superhero” pose her mom told her about that morning. It was supposed to make you feel confident, but Alex wasn’t too sure. But it would be cool to act like Wonder Woman and Captain Marvel for a little bit. As Alex turned towards the sinks and mirrors, she stopped halfway into her pose.

    Oh no! Her makeup had completely worn out throughout the day. She was going from class to  class and never had the chance to check her makeup. While the pimple from the first day eventually faded, she was beginning to get used to seeing little zits and pimples on her face. She started putting makeup on everyday, not wanting anyone to see her actual face. Now she was worried. When did her makeup fade? How many people saw her like this? And why didn’t anyone tell her?

    Alex reached for her makeup, only to realize that it wasn’t in her backpack. She must have left it in her locker. But the auditions were supposed to happen right after school. If she went back and did her makeup, she’d be late for her slot. Alex clutched the sink, telling herself that it was okay. Everything was all right. This was just like the time she fell off her bike in front of all her friends - er, ex friends?? - and was so embarrassed. But then they didn’t think anything of it. Just like the drama teacher, Ms. Dumont, won’t be thinking anything of her complexion. It was definitely like that. It had to be.

    Alex took a couple deep breaths and decided it was now or never. She put on her fake smile and manufactured cool-girl confidence and walked out of the bathroom. As she did, she thought she heard sniffling from one of the stalls.

Chapter 1 - Mirrors

Alex

Alex woke up with a start, her body somehow lurching her into a sitting position before she was even aware of herself. She looked around her room, and the panic immediately set in. What time was it? Today was her first day of eighth grade, meaning that she needed to catch the bus that stopped outside her street at 7:45. Alex looked around the room, seeing the sun stream in through the cracks in her window, and immediately realized that she slept through her alarm.

“Shit!” Alex scrambled out of the bed, almost tripping over the bed sheets she trailed around her. She grabbed her phone, the bright 7:22 blinking back up at her.

Only twenty minutes to get dressed? Shit, shit shit, Alex thought. She immediately ran to the bathroom and went pee, getting more stressed by every second passing. As she hastily grabbed her toothbrush and began brushing her teeth, Alex stopped.

What was...that? Alex stared at the huge pimple smack dab in the middle of her forehead. Alex stopped brushing her teeth and just stared.

This was not the way eighth grade was supposed to start! Alex was supposed to be perfect: perfect personality, perfect clothes, but above all else: perfect face. Alex thought back to her night, did she skip her skin routine without realizing it? If people saw her like this, they would think she was a fraud, that she wasn’t actually pretty or cool, but just another middling student trudging through the halls of Summerview Middle School.

Alex got a hold her bearings. Everything would be okay, right? All she needed to do was put on her makeup, and no one would notice. She glanced back down at her phone, seeing that she only had 15 minutes left before she absolutely had to leave the house. God, why didn’t her mom wake her up? This was all her fault.

Alex opened up her makeup draw and went to work. Green concealer to combat the red of the pimple, concealer over that, liquid foundation, another set of concealer, powder, and a swipe of mascara would have to do today. Alex paused to look at the highlight and contour kit her mom just bought her, and all the eye shadow she bought at Target when she went with her mom. But then her music stopped, letting her know that another 5 minutes have passed, and she wasn’t even dressed!

Alex scrambled to her room - lavenders and millennial pinks covering the room, searching for her back to school outfit. Why did her mom remind her to set out her clothes beforehand, like she always did last year? Didn’t she realize how important today was?

Alex threw on the first brand name Aeropostale shirt she found, along with Nike shorts and tennis shoes. If she didn’t wear the brands, she was nothing. Her phone chimed - only five more minutes before she had to leave.

She speed walked into the living room, not wanting her mom to see how stressed she was. Her mom always talked about how life was so hectic, why tell her mom about her crappy morning? Soon enough she’d be at school with all of her friends, telling the story of how she shot out of bed and managed to get ready in 20 minutes and still look this cute. Alex saw her backpack sitting on one of the living room chairs, already packed. She glanced at her mom, whose headphones were in and already at work on her laptop, and thought, Maybe she’s not all that bad. But god forbid if she said that in front of her friends, she didn’t want to seem like a loser.

Alex hefted the backpack on, already heavier than last year, just from the empty binders and notebooks. She spied the breakfast she assumed her mom made - scrambled eggs and toast with peanut butter and bananas, but instead went for the Belvita in the cupboard. The last thing she wanted was to be bloated when she arrived at school.

Alex’s last alarm went off, telling her she needed to go. Like, RIGHT NOW.

“Bye Mom! Love you!”

Alex shot out of the house before her mom could even reply, running to the bus stop and making it just as the bright yellow vehicle came up the street.

As Alex rode the bus, she tried not to look at the windows right next her. She could see a bit of her reflection, and realized that her makeup job was mediocre, at best. The pimple was still peeking through, and she forgot to put concealer on her under eye circles, making her look tired and unenthused.

Alex started getting panicky. What if her friends noticed right away and laughed at her? Maybe some of her kinda close friends would, like Alicia and Penny. But surely not Maddie, right? Her and Maddie have been best friends since sixth grade, and nothing was going to change that. But then Alex remembered all the snide remarks they both made at the expense of Alicia and Penny behind their backs, and thought again. What if the other girls were doing that to her?

The bus lurched to a stop at the middle school. Time to face the chorus. As the other kids got off the bus - she sat in the back, naturally - she opened up the front facing camera, needing to see what she was getting herself into.

Alex cringed as she stared at her reflection. The undereye circles were already bad, but that pimple that sprouted out of nowhere last night? It was obvious it was there. Sure, it wasn’t red anymore, but it was like she had a freaking volcano on her forehead. Alex started panicking again, but then thought of that show on Netflix, Fake it till You Make it. She never started the series, even though it was on her que, but decided now was as good a time as any to take the title to heart.

Alex jumped off the last schoolbus step and onto the concrete sidewalk, a huge smile on her face. If she acted like nothing was wrong, neither would her friends.

But that wasn’t the case at all.

Maddie, Alicia, and Penny were all waiting by their usual table right outside the main doors to the school. Their parents always dropped them off in the mornings, allowing the girls to get one of the most coveted morning spots on campus to hang out before the first bell rung. The girls’ eyes followed Alex as she approached the table.

None of them greeted her. Alicia and Penny just stared while Maddie hissed out, “What are you wearing?”

It was then that Alex’s remembered that they had all agreed to wear Hollister that first day, not Aeropostale. But really, was it that big of a deal? Both were popular brands at the school, and who could blame her given her morning?

“Well, I um..kinda woke up really late and just threw on the clothes and left. I’m sorry.” Alex mumbled, holding eye contact with Maddie for a brief moment before looking at the other girls, wishing one of them would speak up.

“And what is that?” Maddie pointed directly at Alex’s pimple.

“It’s a pimple? Aren’t they the worst right? I guess I’m going to get some better makeup after school tomorrow!” Alex tried to brush off her appearance and joke about the pimple, but the girls just simply stared at her.

Slowly, Maddie told Alex, “We don’t have room at this table.”

Alex looked pointedly at the vacant seat, the one closest to Maddie that was reserved for her.

“What about my normal seat though? I mean, aren’t I sitting with all of you like normal?”

Alicia and Penny had the audacity to look uncomfortable and not meet Alex’s eyes, but Maddie was headstrong in her denial.

“Actually, no. I was saving this seat for someone else. See you around.” Alex was decidedly dismissed.

Alex took a step back, shocked at what was happening. Just over a shirt and a pimple? Or was it that Alica, Penny and Maddie had stopped liking her this summer when Alex went to visit her cousins in south Carolina up until last week and didn’t see them that much? Maybe they really had been talking behind her back.

Alex looked at the girls faces. Alicia and Penny refused to look up from their phones, and Maddie glanced at her again and waved bye. Alex got the hint, she didn’t need to be humiliated in front of everyone. She walked away, trying to give off the confident and peppy vibe she had just yesterday when she thought of how wonderful eighth grade would go.

Alex walked into the Summerview Middle and instead found her new locker.

What had just happened? Maddie was just mad about something else right? Everything would be back to normal by the end of the week.

Alex convinced herself this was a case of a bad mood, and began to decorate her locker. She set up her magnets, her stickers, her name tag. Alex looked down at the locker mirror her packed in her book bag. She picked it up to put in the inside of her locker, but then saw a glimpse of her face again and put it back inside the bag. She didn’t want to be reminded of her flaws every time she opened the door and saw her reflection.