Chapter 5 - Halls

Alex

Alex was putting her music in her bag as she was headed to drama class. She was excited to see Bethany and Alex for rehearsals today. She hadn’t seen them since Sunday morning, when her mom picked her up from Taysha’s house.  Alex felt a tap on her shoulder, and she turned around, expecting to see Bethany or Taysha, but was surprised to see Maddie behind her, one hand on her hip. Maddie always even managed to look perfect - her hair straight and shiny, “AERIE” emblazoned on her shirt, flaunting her “in” status. Has Alex ever seen Maddie without a hair out of place? It was unnerving to see her so perfect, all the time.

“Hey girl! I haven’t talked to you in so long, I’ve just been super busy with class and all of that! But, like, I hope you don’t mind, but I have a favor to ask of you.”

Alex was more shocked than anything else. Maddie ghosted her since that first day she showed up to school with no makeup on, pimples showing. Why was she talking to her now?

“Um, well..what’s the favor?”

Maddie gave Alex her signature smile, the one Alex knew, from being friends with her all last year, was fake.

“Okay, the thing is, I’d like you to take those pictures down of us on your locker. It’s just...we haven’t hung out in a while and you know the how it goes, only super close friends get to have pictures of each other on their lockers. You get it, right? Okay, well cool! See ya!”

Maddie bounced away before Alex could even get a wave in, muttering “bye” to Maddie’s back. Alex was shocked; those pictures were from right before school started, when Alex thought her and Maddie were going to be best friends forever. She toyed with her necklace, and then realized it was the one they got together that day; two halves a heart, one saying “Best” and the other “Friend.” Alex looked at the necklace and hastily took it off. She thought this weird tiff between her and Maddie was going to blow over, but she was obviously wrong. Alex tore off the pictures of her and Maddie together and shoved them into her backpack, right as she heard the one minute warning bell go off in the halls.

Great, not only did her best friend just break up with her, but now she was going to be late for class too! Alex shook her head, trying to stave off the tears, and hoped she wasn’t going to get in trouble by being late to class. A small part of Alex was grateful that Maddie just came out and said they weren’t friends anymore. All these weeks of hoping and waiting were exhausting, and also made her realize that other girls like Taysha and Bethany didn’t like Maddie because she was mean. That they didn’t like her just last year and the beginning of this year because she was mean. Alex was hurt, but Maddie’s behavior showed Maddie’s true colors, and Alex didn’t really want to a friend that rude.

Bethany

Bethany was walking to her math class, dreading the quiz she was getting back today. Out of all the quizzes she had taken, she felt the most lost on the previous subject. She was looking forward to the end of school, when Alex could maybe help get all the numbers to make sense for her.

As she tightened her ponytail, her shirt lifted up, exposing just a sliver of her stomach. She quickly put her arms back down and pulled down the shirt hoping that no one saw her.

But of course, today was just not going to be a good day.

As she passed a group of boys huddled around the lockers, she heard one of them say, “oink oink!” and then they bursted into laughter.

Bethany spun around, wanting to see who said it. She was hurt and shocked to see that it was Matt, the boy who sat next to her in English the whole entire year. He was so nice to her when it was just them two in class, and Bethany had started to imagine would it would be like if he asked her out, or if they held hands, or even if they were paired together on a school project. Would he fall in love with her after spending more time with her?

Bethany now had to face that Matt was just like all the other boys. Mean and shallow. She didn’t know who the real Matt was, but she was disappointed and hurt all the same.Bethany felt ugly and unwanted, but as she passed Taysha in the halls, who smiled and waved before entering in her classroom, Bethany was reminded of the sleepover. Where the girls told her that they thought she was beautiful, that her hair was perfect, and she had the best smile ever. And even though the dreadful thoughts were still there, new ones also took hold. Maybe it’s not that she wasn’t good enough for Matt. Maybe Matt wasn’t good enough for her.

Taysha

After putting her books down on her desk for history class, Taysha went back out in the halls to go to the bathroom. There, other girls were looking at themselves in the mirror, wanting to make sure they looked okay before they went to their next class. It was a daily ritual, and one Taysha tried to ignore. But as she went to one of the stalls and closed the door, it was hard to not listen in on the girls complaining about their appearances.

    “Oh my gosh, my makeup faded away and I look so ugly! My cheeks are way too chubby.”

    “Are you kidding, look at my thighs! They jiggle every time I walk!”

    “That’s got nothing on my nose. Look how big and long it is.”

    The girls continued to complain about everything on their bodies as Taysha flushed and went towards the sink to wash her hands. The girls looked at her expectantly. Did they really want Taysha to join in on this weird bonding exercise? Because all it seemed to accomplish was making the girls feel worse about themselves and possibly perceiving new flaws.

    Taysha left without saying a word, without participating. She could’ve talked about her knobby knees, her bulky calves, or her flat chest, but she didn't think it would give her the same feeling like it did on Sunday when Taysha was opening up because she wanted to, and when the other girls affirmed her body instead of pointing out things they didn’t like from theirs.

    But damage was done, even though Taysha only heard.

    She was left thinking, “Is my nose too big? Do I need to start wearing makeup? Do my thighs also jiggle when I walk? She’d have to check once she got home with a mirror.

    She tried to recall the affirmations her mom put all around her mirror the night before the movie night.  The “You are beautiful” and “Your body is a vessel of power” and all the other positive sayings. Taysha pushed out the bad thoughts and kept repeating to herself in her head, “You are beautiful, you are strong” over and over again. She didn’t feel great when she sat down, ready for history class to begin, but she did feel a little bit better.