Chapter 8 - Mirrors, Take Two

Alex

Alex tried not looking at the mirror - she didn’t want to see the new pimple she felt on her chin when she woke up. But she couldn’t prevent the reflex when brushing her teeth. Oh. Not a bad oh, not a good oh, but just...oh. The pimple was there, but that wasn’t what her eyes immediately focused on when she looked at her reflection. Instead, she focused on what she loved on her face - her mother’s face, her father’s smile, and that little glitter that refused to come off from the mathlete win last night and the after party she went to for Dear Edwina. Her pimple was there, but it wasn’t nearly as important as everything else. And when she focused on that, the pimple faded away. She finished brushing her teeth, and walked out of the bathroom, smiling. 

Bethany

Bethany fretted at the mirror. Her last outfit made her boobs look wayy too big, but this one hugged her stomach. Everyone would be looking at that little pouch of fat where her the band of her jeans met her stomach, wouldn’t they? She sighed and changed again, but now the pants hugged her growing hips too tightly. She was just about to unbutton the pants and try something else when she remembered Ms. Cortez - flowing skirts one day, slacks the next, and a patterned print after that - using her clothing to express herself, not hide it. Bethany stopped unbuttoning her pants, took a deep breath, and then looked at the mirror. Instead of looking at her perceived flaws, she thought about how she felt that closing night of Dear Edwina and  read the affirmations surrounding the edges of her mirror that her mom helped her put up after she saw them around Taysha’s house. There were many, but the ones that stood out to her read, “You are beautiful, no matter what.” and “You’re talented, strong, and smart - your body does not reflect that.” She remembered scoffing at them earlier that same day, but now? She stood there and read. And she zipped up her pants, put on her favorite shirt, and striked a pose.

Taysha

Taysha felt a twinge of self-consciousness looking at the flatness of her chest. She thought of all the women in the magazines - slim like her, but with bulging breasts and wide hips.  But then she thought about her own mom, whose body was never on magazines. Or Alex, who was constantly worried about her acne, but that Taysha rarely noticed. Or how she envied Bethany’s body, only to learn later that Bethany wished she looked more like Taysha. And she realized that all these comparisons wouldn’t accomplish anything. They would just make her feel worse about herself. She thought about how she felt while she was running. Solely focused on her body’s strength, not worried about how other people were looking or if she looked pretty.

Taysha pushed those comparisons out of her mind. She had to start focusing on her own body, her own strengths, her own beauty. Not other people’s. Taysha remembered something her mom said almost every day when her mom was getting dressed, or whenever she needed a pick me up. She was strong like Angela Davis, resilient like Marsha P. Johnson, soulful like Aretha, and one day, she hoped to be confident like Bey. She was the girl who managed everyone during the musical. She might not have ever been the star, but she was the MVP. Taysha hoped to always be that confident girl, the one without a care when she ran and the one confident in her abilities, like she was as stage manager.  Why couldn’t she always be that confident girl? Maybe always was a high order, but she did want to feel confident more often. Taysha looked at her reflection, the small breasts and slim hips that sometimes still bothered her, but also at her body, which allowed her to do everything she loved - sing off-beat, dance wackily with her new friends, laugh with her parents, and run with her teammates. Taysha’s eyes flickered to a picture of her, Alex, and Bethany from the sleepover, remembering their conversations, how they shared their own insecurities that Taysha didn’t even notice, that Taysha didn’t even think were problems and actually envied. Taysha straightened her shoulders, and smiled. Sure, she had work to do but Taysha wasn’t alone; she had two new best friends to help her out.

She never felt more excited.